A word out of my childhood. We used to sign letters, “Respectfully Yours.” “Respect your elders” was a frequent admonition. What happened to that word? I don’t hear it used very much anymore. I looked it up in the dictionary and found synonyms: consideration, appreciation, politeness, graciousness. The antonyms: disdain, disregard, disrespect, bad manners.
Does this lack of use of a word signify a reduction of the behavior it represents? Is there less “respect” in the world today and more “abuse?” That latter word never figured in our language a generation ago, but today it’s on every front page, from child abuse to spousal abuse to abuse of power in government or in the military.
Adults respond more positively to polite children, so it is a distinct advantage for children to be polite. Teachers prefer them, other parents like them, store clerks serve them better. So it is up to parents to raise polite children. This is first done by modeling courteous behavior at home, with each other and with strangers, and then by insisting children do the same.
But respect is not only polite behavior toward others. Respect also is listening attentively, taking into account the opinions of others, being sensitive to others’ feelings.
Self-respect is an important component, for it is only when we believe that we have value that we can see others as having value and thus reduce bigotry and discrimination. So to get others to respect us, we need to show them respect. It is called “reciprocity.”
People tend to behave the way they are expected to behave by others, they rarely have trouble showing respect to people in authority. But it is equally important to show the same respect to one’s colleagues and especially to one’s subordinates. Do we respect our suppliers as much as our clients? Do we show the same courtesy to the errand boy or girl as to the company president? Can we find a kind word for the harried waiter, for the cleaning lady who comes after hours to sweep up our offices, for the bungling newcomer in our place of work?
Our present environment is not conducive to teaching respect. There is violence on TV, in newspapers, as well as in athletic events. There are stories of harassment against women, children, and minorities. We are not taught to respect other people’s religious or political beliefs or value systems. There seems to be less and less respect for human life—not only the life of others but also one’s own. To wit: suicide bombers targeting civilians in shopping malls and athletic events. A lack of respect for others’ religions and different ways of life make acceptance of each other impossible. We cannot live in harmony with people we don’t respect.
There is little we can do as individuals about the present situation in the world, but we can start at home and at work. Hold open a door, give up a seat, listen well, consider the opposite opinion, disagree quietly giving reasons for the disagreement, request instead of demand, be patient, wonder what it’s like to be that other person, say “Please” and “Thank you.” You too will create reciprocity and start living in a world of your own making where there is consideration, appreciation, graciousness and respect—at least in your own backyard.